Philippians 4:6-7 (again)

I’m afraid that my heart doesn’t default to seeking God. I really wish it would. I wish the first thing I thought when I or my children get sick was to immediately bring my worry to the Lord in prayer instead of worrying myself sick(er). The truth is that as soon as I feel my family is threatened, I manifest a very selfish “woe is me” attitude. I think (and think and think) about how I can right the situation, how much worse things can get, how I feel so helpless. And then I wallow.

Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure this is not what God desires for me. I’m not going to say that if you call on the Lord, everything will get better almost instantly, that you’ll experience some supernatural healing because God’s your own personal genie in a bottle (that, friends, is blasphemy!). The only thing that is promised us if we call on the Lord is to a peace “which surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).

I think it is infinitely more beautiful to be fully trusting in the goodness of God in the midst of hardships than trying to play a “get out of jail free” card  every time we are pushed out of our comfort zones. Now, if only I could remember this in the darkest moments and trust that none of these things has escaped God’s notice…

raining on my own parade

Dear Readers,

It's not that exciting things aren't happening in this house. They are.

It's not that I'm depressed and unable to write anything happy and worth reading. I'm not.

It's not that I no longer see the value in putting my thoughts to words. I do.

Here's the thing: I'm sick of tooting my own horn. I feel like, somewhere along the line, this blog has transitioned from my own, unique little soapbox to the place where it seems like I'm always behind and always out of ideas. It's a place where I'm constantly trying to keep up with my idea of what a blogger should be...

Real bloggers post regularly. 

Real bloggers try to engage their readers.

Real bloggers have an aesthetically-pleasing blog. 

Real bloggers do everything themselves.

Real bloggers thrill to share their wealth of DIYing wisdom with the uneducated masses.

Real bloggers have an Etsy shop. What's more, a successful Etsy shop.

Real bloggers' pictures are never blurry, 

their posts are never more than four paragraphs,

they never ramble, they're always eloquent...

and even their bedhead is fashionable. 

It's kind of ridiculous to look at that list and realize that I have been "ensnared" by this mainstream blog hysteria! Not that I have been successful in replicating these things... but I stress over them all the same.

NO. MORE.

I am fed up with myself for being so caught up in this narcissistic* fad. As a Christian, a child of God, there should be ONE person and ONE goal of everything I do: to bring glory to the Lord God. By constantly posting my successes, the beauty of my life, the things I do in a day, or even the things my kids do in a day that I find so clever/endearing/noteworthy/above-the-rest, I can't really say that I've been doing that. 

So. I'm here to tell you that this blog will still endure, but you'll notice a domain change sometime in the near future (I'll keep you posted). You can expect infrequency, but you can also expect a little more depth than this blog has been characterized by as of late. 

It's a terrifying thing to imagine standing before the judgment seat of Christ and only being able to say "Look, Lord, see my blog?"

"He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30).


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*At the core of extreme narcissism is egotistical preoccupation with self, personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and how he/she is perceived by others. (from psychcentral.com)

the following images are brought to you by my iPod

Oh, hi. 

Benjamin finally got over his sickness and cut three teeth. He is NOT over his separation-anxiety.

I've decided to to try my hand at quilting.

The dog killed a turkey. And left bits of it all around our yard.

Judah's been enjoying books lately.

Benjamin likes hummus.

Totes are NOT for sleeping in.

IT IS SPRING.

a tale of woe

Poor little Benji has contracted whatever illness the rest of us have been afflicted with for two weeks (has it really been that long?!). He's been extremely fussy over the last two days, partially because he is teething, and partially because his tummy is angry. At least, that is what we are assuming. It's so hard to figure out what's wrong with babies when they can't say "tummy hurt!". All Ben can do is wail - and wail he does.

Last night was the climax of it all. He was up every two to three hours (which, really, was the "norm" not that long ago) and refused to be consoled by anything we tried. He wouldn't even nurse. I don't know about you, but the most helpless I have ever felt is when I have a distraught baby and no power to calm him down. When it's 3:00 in the morning, your baby is clawing at you and screaming in your face, and you can't get him to nurse, it's difficult to believe that the world is not ending. 

Today I am using a wonderful little trick called "Turn On The TV" to help keep his mind off his troubles. So far? so good! He's actually crawling around and entertaining himself! I can make eye contact with him without fearing that he's going to burst out wailing. He seems to be back to his ever-pleasant, heart-winning, contented little self. 

This mama? is thanking Jesus for the grace to face another day.

the simple things

Judah got a haircut today and it made him happy. 

That is all.

"Take your foot and step in it!"

That title makes me laugh. It's something I heard a motivational speaker say, intended to encourage women to take that first step to change... but... wow. Bad news. 

Anyways. 

Here's a little tidbit of information that I'm sure will come as a complete shock to you: Having a baby is hard on a woman's body. I know, your whole world has been rocked, hasn't it?

Sigh. Even though I handle pregnancy very well (I love being pregnant!), even though I've had no real trouble giving birth, this whole process has taken it's toll on my body. You see, with my first pregnancy I'm pretty sure I submitted to the "I can eat whatever I want because I'm pregnaaaant!" camp - at least until sugar started to make me feel sick. And then, when I was completely overwhelmed with how life was turned on it's head after the Cuteness was born, I could not be bothered with attempting to loose the 23 pounds that didn't disappear when I pushed a baby out. Then, badabing badabang! I was pregnant again! Losing weight was out of the question, so I determined that I would avoid sugar as much as possible. Instead of gaining the 40 pounds that I did with Judah, I gained a mere 17 (which put me at the same end-of-pregnancy weight as the first one). I counted it as a "fresh start" to getting healthy. 

But...

Surprise! It still takes work to get healthy! Instead of sitting and bemoaning my gelatinous state, I took one very small step to getting healthy: I purchased a work-out DVD. Before you laugh at the images of side-leg lifts and step aerobics that "work-out DVD" conjurs in your mind,  let me specify what kind of DVD this is. Jillian Michaels (one of the fitness trainers from "The Biggest Loser") has a 20-minute, 30-day workout plan that is designed to produce fast results because of the intensity of the workout. I have long since discovered that any exercise I do needs to be time-effective and to-the-point. It also needs to be easy on my knees/ankles, which are very weak and prone to spraining. This DVD was $12 on Amazon, and with a mere 20 minute time commitment every day, I was certain I could afford both. 

I have only been able to complete the workout a handful of times (thanks to various ailments I am certain you do not want to hear about), but I am ALREADY seeing results. My endurance has increased, I can actually do push-ups now for the first time in my life, my squats are getting deeper and easier, and...(wait for it)... I have lost seven pounds! This is a kick-start into fitness if there ever was one.

Along with exercising regularly, I am attempting to implement some small (but effective) diet changes. Key word: attempting. I love food way too much (yes, it is nearing idolatry levels), but I'm also conscious of the fact that I am still breastfeeding and can't go all "rice patties for breaky/lunch/supper/SNACK!" all at once (wouldn't that be an awful diet!).

Here are some of my changes: 

Swap out grains for fruits/veggies/protiens when appropriate. I have found that eating a grapefruit and a couple hard-boiled eggs in the morning is a GREAT start to my day - much better than having jam-and-butter-laden toast (like I had this morning). Quinoa is also a great, healthy, and satisfying alternative to those empty carbs. This does not mean I never consume carbs (see above parentheses). 

Lay off the seconds. If I change nothing else, at least I can keep myself from a second helping of white rice and ginger beef (and let me tell you, that takes a lot of will power for me).

Forget about dessert. Yeah, that one's pretty obvious. But, seriously, after every meal I'm looking for the sweet thing to finish it off. If I really need something, I can have a yogurt cup, another grapefruit, or coffee (I don't know why coffee seems like a dessert to me, but it does). 

Come to think of it, I don't really know why I'm sharing this with all of you. Perhaps this will help to keep me accountable? I really don't know. I'm not planning on keeping you informed on how much I've lost or what I've eaten, etc. At the very least, if you are also a new mom who's a bit discouraged about the jiggles that exist where a jiggle never dared set foot before, then you can be encouraged that you are not alone, and that there are some easy options to start down the road to getting your body back (whatever that means).

through his eyes

Judah does so many things in a day that make Joey and I crack up.

I was listening to my daily four hours of classical music (Thanks, CBC Radio 2), when an uncommonly doomy and gloomy song came on. Judah ran over to the radio, exclaiming “Oh no! Oh no!” and proceeded to mash buttons until he got it to stop.

Judah has this never failing hope that we have “cakes” in our fridge. When he’s asking for something to eat, you can be assured that he will ask you for “cakes”. I’m not entirely sure what he is referring to, but it makes me laugh every time. Then he laughs. I told him that we are not hobbits, therefore we don’t keep a constant supply of cakes laying around.

If you ever come to visit us, I must warn you that when you hear him exclaim “TATCH!”, you are about to get something whipped at your face. Do not fear, it’s usually soft – but I make no promises. 

Judah is in the information-overload-toddler stage. This means that everything anybody does is get’s a live-coverage narration. “Wash-a-hans, Mommy. Wash-a-hans? Mommy wash-a-hans!” It is entirely too cute. He’s putting things together in his mind, and he just can’t help but let it escape from his mouth.

Upon hearing a baby wailing in Walmart the other day, Judah went into big-brother-fix-it mode. “Nap time? Nap time?” he asked, cocking his head to one side and looking at me intently. “You’re right. Maybe that baby needs a nap time” I responded. He looked back at the crying child, then back at me. “Change a bum?” The way his little voice gets so high when he’s asking a question is amusing. “Yeah, maybe he needs a bum change.” As I was obviously unwilling to go change a stranger’s baby’s diaper, Judah had to endure listening to the unresolved cries until we left. I think it nearly did him in.

And then, on this gloomy day when he wasn’t really feeling 100%, he decided that he did not need lunch and went and put himself down for a nap.

Oh, my little baby, you are quickly becoming a person all your own.

I think things are back to normal.

Poor Little.

When you're a starry-eyed newlywed couple that's just about to have a baby, you don't think of days like this. All you can think about is how amazing it will feel to be parents and have a family of your own. When that little baby is born, you think "This is perfect! This is what I was meant to be!". You know in your heart that you will do absolutely anything for your children, that life will never be the same again.

On days like today, I don't regret my choice to have children, even though I've had to clean up various bodily fluids that make me gag just thinking of them. Hands can be washed, I say to myself. On days like today, I don't wish for life to be the way it used to, even though I've had one boy puking on the toilet while the other screamed in his crib because he had a soaking diaper, was hungry, and wanted out. On the contrary, as I'm rubbing my frightened and sad toddler on the back while his tummy ejects its contents, as I fetch a distraught eight-month-old from his temporary prison, as I change the sheets for the third time, I realize that I am thankful. No, this isn't what I imagined when I said to Joey with a gleam in my eye, "Let's have a baby!"  (although it certainly was and is bound to happen), but I find that this new realization of parenthood fits me so well. When things start to get messy and my mothering instincts kick in, sometimes I catch myself thinking "This is just what I was meant to be", and although I do not welcome the presence of this sickness, it gives me the chance to be thankful for the job God has both given me and equipped me for.

Here's hoping this little boy is feeling better tomorrow!

those devilish little pearly whites

I call this one "Teething" :

Can't you just imagine the volume that accompanies this picture? 

Sigh. Benji is in full-on teething mode. He cut a tooth sometime last week, which has not brought any relief because there's at least one more tooth that has yet to break the skin. He is screechy, impatient, and grumpy. He wants to eat all the time. He never seems to get into a deep sleep, so he's exhausted (and exhausting).

Despite all of that, he's still my precious little baby boy. He still gives awesome smiles and contented cuddles. I heart him ever so much.

In other news, Joey and I decided to throw in the towel on the boys sharing a room - at least for the time being. It was a party in there! every night! until 9:30! and it made the boys grumpy to match! They just love each other way too much to sleep, which is a bitter-sweet problem to have. So now the "office" has been moved to our (admittedly massive) bedroom, and our sleepy-time routines have been reestablished. Hooray for normalcy!

Seriously. As soon as I think I've "figured out" this parenting thing, a wrench is thrown into the situation and suddenly I feel like I have a newborn again. I am so very thankful that God (through His word) has been giving me the strength to face each day. Never have I been more aware of His provision than I am now. I am also so very thankful for my husband - my bestest friend and constant support!